What value does a Mediator add?

Parties are often surprised at the role of a Mediator. Unlike attorney advocates, Mediators rarely tell individuals what is best or how to structure their deals. Instead, Mediators act as a buffer between parties who has the ability to identify underlying needs and interests of the parties. Mediators pay attention to the process and provide structure by ensuring a safe environment set up for success. 

Mediators are also trained in conflict management. Instead of fearing conflict, Mediators embrace conflict and work through tensions to create a durable agreement for the party’s future.  Mediators are okay with tears, yelling, and frustration. Our job is to maintain neutral and not be swayed by big emotions. 

A mediator also has excellent communication skills and is able to re-frame, assert, and ask effective questions. We seek to be the agent of reality, and a good sounding board for ‘fairness’ and equality. 

Last,  Mediators can often be especially skilled at data collection and analysis. Unlike an attorney advocate who wants to find the smoking gun in your financial disclosures, a Mediator can quickly sort though the information without judgment and display alternatives and variables in a calm neutral manner.

Mediation can be the right fit for your family if you want more control over the process.  However, if the parties need a Judge to tell them how it should be, then Mediation is not a great fit.  Mediators let both sides present as much information as they need, and unlike Court, decisions are not final until the parties agree to them in writing.

Mediation is likely to succeed if there are many issues at play, the parties want to control the process, there is communication conflict (where parties have different ideas of fairness), the parties wish to save time and stress, and there is room for creative resolution. 

You can contact me at Amanda@gordonfamilylaw.com for more information.

What about our Children?

Divorce is never easy on kids, but there are many ways parents can help lessen the impact of their break-up on their children:

Never disparage your former spouse in front of your children. Because children know they are "part mom" and "part dad", the criticism can batter the child's self-esteem. 

Do not use your children as messengers between you and your former spouse. The less the children feel a part of the battle between their parents, the better.

Reassure your children that they are loved and that the divorce is not their fault. Many children assume that they are to blame for their parent's hostility.

Encourage your children to see your former spouse frequently. Do everything within your power to accommodate the visitation.

At every step during your divorce, remind yourself that your children's interests – not yours – are paramount, and act accordingly. Lavish them with love at each opportunity.

Your children may be tempted to act as your caretaker. Resist the temptation to let them. Let your peers, adult family members, and mental health professionals be your counselors and sounding board. Let your children be children.

If you have a drinking or drug problem, get counseling right away. An impairment inhibits your ability to reassure your children and give them the attention they need at this difficult time.

If you are the non-custodial parent, pay your child support. The loss of income facing many children after divorce puts them at a financial disadvantage that has a pervasive effect on the rest of their lives.

If you are the custodial parent and you are not receiving child support, do not tell your children. It feeds into the child's sense of abandonment and further erodes his or her stability.

If at all possible, do not uproot your children. Stability in their residence and school life helps buffer children from the trauma of their parent's divorce.

You can contact me at Amanda@gordonfamilylaw.com for more information.

Post Divorce Checklist

Did you get divorced recently? Once all the dust has settled, here is a checklist of items to help you separate your financial affairs.

Bank and Investment Accounts
Open individual checking and savings accounts and be sure to close any remaining joint accounts, other than any designated children’s expense accounts
If assets are being transferred from a joint account to a separate account, be sure the company handles them as in-kind transfers when needed to avoid any unexpected tax consequences.

Property
Transfer ownership on all real estate deeds and be sure they are recorded at the appropriate county recorder office.

Complete any refinancing or mortgage assumptions necessary.
Transfer ownership and registration for any automobiles, boats, etc. and be sure they are recorded with the appropriate DMV office.
Be sure any auto loans, etc. are refinanced as needed.
 

Retirement Accounts
Review and update the beneficiary designations on all of your retirement and pension accounts. If there are retirement accounts to be transferred, provide the custodian with a copy of the settlement in order to get them processed. And if a QDRO is required to split a qualified retirement account, confirm that the plan administrator has accepted it and that it has been filed with the court.

Debts
Open individual credit card accounts.
If necessary, transfer any credit card/loan balances into your own name and then close joint accounts.

Insurance
If health insurance plans will change, obtain COBRA coverage or start a new individual policy.
Update any homeowners, umbrella, auto, etc., insurance policies.
If appropriate, obtain a life and/or disability insurance policy on the payor of child or spousal support to protect income should the payor die.  The recipient of support should be both owner and beneficiary, and should control payment of premiums.
 

Estate Planning
Review and update your will and/or trust, and be sure to designate guardians for your children if necessary.
Update any health care proxy and power of attorney documents.

Taxes
If in your settlement, complete IRS form 8332 in order to transfer child dependency exemptions to the non-custodial parent.
Review your tax withholding allowances and determine if any estimated quarterly payments might be necessary.

You can contact me at Amanda@gordonfamilylaw.com for more information.

Legal Guide to Getting Married

Are you a newlywed or recently engaged? This guide is for you! Learn all the practicalities about getting married and which legal documents you will need to update, change, or simply toss.

Marriage Certificate

Each State has its own marriage certificate process. Typically, there is a fee associated with obtaining the license to get married. This license must be signed before it becomes a marriage certificate. Typically, after the marriage ceremony, an officiant signs and returns the marriage license to the County that issued it. Once the County records the license, it turns into an official marriage certificate that you and your new spouse will get a copy of via the mail.

This is an important document and you will want to keep it in a safe space. If your marriage certificate is defective due to problems with filing or signatures, most states have methods of perfecting or correcting the defect, but it’s best to check your local rules.

You’ll need a certified copy of your marriage certificate (or the document you receive from your state or county after filling out your marriage license) before changing your name.

Change of Name

Many individuals choose to change some part of their middle or last name when they get married.In order to do so, you will need to notify a variety of state and federal agencies. A good place to start is contacting your local Social Security Administration office to update your Social Security Card.

To do this, you can make an appointment with your local office and fill out the SS-5 form needed to change your name. Bring original copies of your (1) birth certificate, (2) passport, (3) diver’s license, (4) Social Security Card, and (5) your marriage certificate.

After you update your Social Security Card, you can use the new social security Card to change your name on other documents and accounts such as your:

• drivers license
• passport
• voter registration
• Title and Registration of your car
• Bank Accounts
• Employment documents
• Retirement Accounts
• Insurance information
• Credit Cards
• Memberships (gym, Netflix, hunting club).
• Social Media Accounts

To update your passport, you will need to get a color passport photo and send that in along with your current passport and a certified copy of your marriage certificate. You may want to request an additional certified copy of your marriage certificate before you apply for a new passport because you have to mail in a certified copy of your marriage certificate and it can take time to get your copy back. (see form DS-82.)

Another great tip is to order new checks, debit cards, and credit cards as soon as possible, because they can take a long time to arrive.

Beneficiary Designation

Even if you don’t change your name, it’s a good idea to look at your beneficiaries on your retirement accounts, life insurance, and any other bank accounts. Consider updating these designations to your spouse.

Taxes as a Married Couple

If you get married at any point in 2016, you are now required to file taxes either as married filing separately (MFS) or married filing jointly (MFJ) for any income you earn in 2016. What this means is that when you go to file taxes before April 2017, you will no longer have the option of filing as a single person.

For most couples filing a tax return as married filing jointly provides a beneficial tax outcome. Married couples filing a joint return can claim two personal exemptions instead of one and can use a standard deduction of $12,400 verses the single taxpayer deduction of $6,200. You can also choose to itemize your deductions for benefits like mortgage interest payments.

Another benefit of getting married this year is that spouses can give each other unlimited gifts without the gift tax limits.

If you and your partner make relatively similar amounts and do not have children, you may be impacted by the marriage tax penalty. It’s important to check with a tax professional when making choices about your filing status.

Divorcing? Here are the legal documents you need.

Divorce can be incredibly stressful. Whether you are ending a short-term marriage without children or separating after a 20-year marriage with three kids, many families don’t know where to start when it comes to the documents you will need to file for divorce.
Every State has different procedural rules when it comes to divorce. Some of the information in this blog post may not apply to your State or County, and you should visit your local County’s and State’s websites to find more information and determine the specific legal procedure.
Many divorcing families are surprised to learn that most Counties have family law self-help centers that help families learn about which legal forms are required to start the process. This can be a great place to start, but most of these offices can’t give you legal advice on how to fill out the forms.

Here are some non-state specific Agreements that you will need in your divorce:
Marital Agreement: This document outlines:

how you will divide the assets and debts in your marriage,

any spousal support payments,

any child custody terms such as legal and physical custody or visitation, and

any child support terms.

This document can be very important for future questions and should serve as a guide or plan for your family as you dissolve your marriage.

Child Custody Agreement: A child custody agreement outlines primary parenting responsibility for the children and how medical and educational decisions will be made. This Agreement can be written before you hire lawyers or go to Court and can include topics like:

specific schedules,

overnight care of children by a non-parent,

communication with children by phone, text, or email,

who is responsible for paying for transportation costs, school costs, and medical appointments,

conditions for travel outside of the state,

who will take the tax exemption and credit, and

how children will spend the holidays.

A good rule of thumb is the more conflict, the more specific the agreement should be.

Tax Returns: At some point in the divorce process, you will need your tax returns. It’s a good idea to have at least the last two years of tax returns, because the Court, your attorney, or your spouse will inevitably ask for a copy. If you don’t have them, you can get a transcript or copy of your tax returns from the IRS — you can find the instructions on their website ( https://www.irs.gov/uac/Newsroom/Request-a-Transcript-or-Copy-of-a-Prior-Year-Tax-Return ).

Other financial documents: Divorce is stressful — and the money issue is often the worst part. As hard as it may feel, it’s very important to have a good understanding of your finances before and during the divorce process. You will want to know, for example, whether you have life insurance and who is the beneficiary is, what retirement accounts you own, and what the balance on your mortgage is. You should also have a copy of your recent pay stubs and receipts for any major expenses related to your children. Having a clear picture of your finances, especially if there is a big gap between your finances and your soon to be ex’s can only help your case.

Last, while not a legal document, per se, I recommend that you get a new Calendar (online or paper). In the first few months of the divorce process, I believe it’s important to carve out some time for yourself on the calendar. The decision to dissolve your marriage inevitably creates many changes in your schedule, your children’s schedules, and your family’s time together. Even if finances are tight, you can schedule and reconnect with free activities you enjoy, like walking outside, gardening, hiking, and talking on the phone with friends.

You can contact me at Amanda@gordonfamilylaw.com for more information.